I Can't Be The Only One

   I know I can't be the only one to be so.. awkward. You know what? Awkward's not the word. Awkward has been turned into a cute thing now. And what I am is definitely not that. It's not that I'm shy or anything. Or clumsy, goofy, and still somehow charming. No. I'm not the lead in a teen movie.

   Take this picture for example. Some say it's an exaggeration. But for me, it's not much of one.

No matter what I've ever done, I've been sufficiently weird about it. No matter how simple the task. Like talking to a person. Or asking for a piece of gum.

   I'm telling you it doesn't matter what I'm doing, when I do it I get this look like.. o.O

   I'm not weird in a cute way, I'm weird in a way that will make you scoot away if I was to sit next to you. (Which has happened.)

   A lot of people don't like me.

   Some people do.. the say I'm not freaky weird, I'm funny weird.

   Which is better than just creepy weird... which I can be.

   I wish I had some sort of filter every other teenager seems to have. Like what not to do. When not to twitch your eye. I don't know.. I feel like a lost cause.

                             I can't be the only one... *sighs* but maybe I am.

                                          I guess that's okay though.

Having Fun

This is me and my friends at the end of the funnest day of sophomore year. I'm the one with both her hands on her hips. Lol.

Yes, we went mudding.

But that wasn't even the half of it.

The whole day was great.

I was in a good mood all day, I was reunited with an old friend. I got to talk to a sweet guy (after talking to a jerk for a week) and I had a lot of fun.

It was nice not to worry.

To have fun, and still smile about it later when you see the pics on facebook.

To have no regrets, even after getting in a bit of trouble.

Right after school, we went a swang on the playground.

It was fun, and we looked crazy.

Then we went and ate at our favorite restaurant in town.

And fought over the chocolate brownie desert.

Then we went mudding.

It was a blast.

We all go a little crazy sometimes.

We all need to.

Rude Awakening

   This entry won't be a cheesy inspiration or vague description. This will just be me venting.
I like this guy... well I don't know if I really like him, or just kinda like him. Get what I'm saying? Probably not...
   Anyways, when I'm around him I have a good time, and I know he really likes me. But I don't know enough about him to date yet. Which is why we're 'talking'. Yes, I like him. But I want things to go super slow. In the past, I would rush into every relationships. The results? ...Not good...
   So I figured I'd listen to my fortune cookies' advice. It said 'slow but steady wins the race'. So I really want to take my time. Make sure dating him would be the right thing.
   My best friend says she knows I'll end up dating him. Which I don't know how she can say that when I'm not really sure I want to date anyone.. or him yet. She says she can tell by the way we act around each other.
   This shouldn't be such a big problem... but almost none of my friends like this guy. I've heard "he gives me a weird vibe..." "he's a liar.." and "..i just don't wanna see you get hurt...". I'm confused. My friends have never been this sceptical of a guy before.
   I think I'm being smart about taking my time... but I wish I knew already what to do.
   I don't like the conflict between him and my friends. And I don't get it.

DayDreaming

Everyone recognizes the face of a day dreamer.

Hopefully I wasn't as noticeable today.

   I fall asleep with my arms wrapped around him. Everything in me feels warm and cozy. I feel safe. He looks down and me and kisses my forehead. Then falls asleep with me in his arms. We're together. In a perfect frame like the movies portray.

Then when I snap out of it I'm forced to face the reality.

Which isn't so bad. It's not as good as a dream, but it has it's perks.

Like the guy I think about, thinks about me too.

The guy I want, wants me too.

That dream isn't out of reach.

Then that peaceful feeling crashes over me as I realize...

My dream could come true.



Clean Air

So it didn't go how I had planned... or originally hoped. But that's okay. There was a sort of peace I felt afterwards that replaced the insecurities.

I may have a weak little heart, but it's getting stronger.

I may not be the most confident, but I know myself well enough to love what I have.

Mom's tell us all through childhood "At least you tried."

Some tell you that's to cushion the blow of losing.

But I think there's truth there.

What did I lose?

Nothing.

What did I gain?

A lot.

And all because I tried.

I put myself out there, and although the results weren't ideal, they worked for me.

There's still hope.

And I've got a tight grip on it.

Here's to silly crushes.

Glad they bring some good.

Butterflies Inhabit My Stomach:Get Help

                                     You can't die from it, but it can feel like it's killing you.

        At least that's how I feel.

   When I thought about my day's menu. I had no intention of ordering frustration with a side of nerves. But life's ditsy waiter slapped down a big helping of it.

       "I'm sorry, Can I have the care-free sundae instead?"

"No refunds."

Today should've been a good day. Someone took an actual interest in me. But disapproval can take the butterflies away as quickly as they come. And replace them with a nagging feeling of lame awareness.

That this is reality.



 



Confused and Confiscated Emotion

I don't know what to think.

Not only did a friend 'spill the beans' to my crush...

Apparently someone has a crush on me.

What kind of fool has a crush on me???

They're getting in the way of my fantasy... who am I kidding?

Fantasy is just a dream.

My crushee is getting in the way of nothing.

*Sighs*

And my crush now knows I like them.

*More dramatic prolonged sigh*

And I don't know how to react to any of this.